10-09-25 | It’s an unlikely story. Robert E. Howard’s pulp literature, Frank Frazetta’s artwork and Roy Thomas’s comic series all depict Conan the Barbarian’s world as relentless and unforgiving. And yet somehow this ancient warrior was the star of his own series of kiddy records in the 1970s. And we have Power Records to thank for it! After producing scores of fairy tale records for young children under the banner of Peter Pan Records (what’s in a name?), the offshoot Power Records was created to appeal to young teenagers. The result was a series of read-along comics that are highly collectable today.
Spider-Man, Wonder Woman and Planet of the Apes were but a few of the titles adapted into read-along comics. And I’ll be honest with you folks, they are pretty ropey. The acting is stiff, the writing is naff and the sound design is bland. But then I stumbled onto Conan. Paradoxically the character least suited for a series of audio plays aimed at children has generated the best results. Conan’s initial single read-along comic was followed by a full album featuring three additional tales based on the Marvel Comics series. Naturally this is not Conan in his purest form. But if you can see past the mannered voice acting and odd would-be medieval dialogue there is actually a lot to enjoy about this series.
The Jewel of the Ages kicks off the album. After briefly touching upon Conan’s origins the action switches to a mysterious witch, who urges the barbarian to defeat the evil Shara-Khan. Conan does not know, however, that Shara-Khan and the witch are related. Demonic hounds and living statues are but two of the challenges facing the Cimmerian in this fun little yarn. As mentioned before the acting is outdated and the sounds design basic, but the mystery and harshness of Conan’s world are perfectly conveyed. The right atmosphere can take you a long way and it’s certainly achieved here.
The next story, Shadow of the Stolen City, is somewhat similar to the last. It tells of an old wizard who wishes to reclaim a magical city from his son. The audio adventure also perfectly captures the barbarian’s nomadic existence. Always wandering, never settling. But while Conan felt like an active participant in Jewel of the Ages, he’s more like an observer in Shadow of the Stolen City. Despite of this, the second story is another charming fantasy yarn. What it lacks in substance it makes up for in atmosphere.
The third story, Thunder Dust, is rather lacklustre. Conan finds himself enslaved as an oarsman on a smuggling vessel. The ship carries a ransom of gold, intended to free a kidnapped monarch, and Conan wants a piece of the action. It’s a rather convoluted tale with confusing twists and turns that I won’t even get into. To add insult to injury the sound design is unforgivable lazy. Conan breaking free from his chains, for instance, sounds like an indifferent foley artist hitting some pans. Whereas the other stories have a vintage charm about them, Thunder Dust feels shoddy and confusing. Oh well.
The fourth tale, Crawlers in the Mist, makes up for it. This was the initial Conan release by Power Records, which came with a read-along comic. This nifty little booklet is an adaption of Conan the Barbarian #116 and deals with a forbidden city, in which Conan’s would-be slave trader is seized by a snakelike creature. Conan’s moral code is at the centre of the tale. After the creature has snatched slave trader Rasto, Conan cannot bring himself to turn his back on the poor man.
Crawlers in the Mist ends the album on a sad note. The creature’s keeper offers the barbarian a rare glimpse into the afterlife, where the deceased Rasto has travelled to. It is a paradise Conan will never be allowed to enter, because of his violent ways and inner rage. Despite his heroism, Conan is destined never to find peace. We’re still talking about a record aimed at little kids, mind you. The moment comes and passes without much fanfare. And yet it struck a cord with me. Bravo Power Records.
The Conan the Barbarian audio adventures are hardly a prefect representation of either the work of Robert E. Howard or the Marvel series of the same name. But they are a fun diversion. One that conjures up fantasy worlds with surprising ease and to great effect. The voice acting is wooden and mannered and the score is obviously composed of library cues. But this just adds to the vintage charm of the collection! It’s Conan from a more innocent, perhaps even naïve, time. Something I applaud.
The audio adventures on vinyl do not compare with later Conan spin-offs which are able to add true depth to his exploits. But compared to the Power Records based on Star Trek or Superman, Conan’s records are an incredible achievement. Sure, it’s for kids. But they don’t shy away from depicting the Hyborian world as dystopian or unforgiving. Though not as gritty as the source material, these records do Conan justice. Plus … aren’t you tired of Netflix shows which remain unresolved after four seasons?! Listen to Conan! Four adventures in F-I-F-T-Y minutes?! Hell yeah!